Friday, October 1

‘Live(ing) in interesting times’

Who asked you to look in the Sun
For that long, so your eyes burn

She came and rose herself to become my life. She left, asking the corpse to wait. Wait! For what! That continues even today despite a lapse of a few years.
How can I forget the day she ‘Stooped to conquer’. She never went unnoticed and those who did not want to cherish her God-given elegance, became jealous. Further jealousy ensued when she walked up to never-try-at-girls sort of boy and asked: ‘Why don’t you have my number?’ It meant to go on for good.
How did you immerse your self in my breaths? I cannot figure out this, but can feel you beside me. Your hands in my hands! Still sweating the way these used to be! But no one cleaned them ever and saved those tissue-papers lest picked by someone else–how those used to be the proudest possession. I feared losing you at that time and now, I dread further deprivation.
You turned away without telling me what made you take that decision. Now you say that I should have stopped you. My ego did not allow me to do that. I waited for you to come back, but you proved to be egoistic too. Alas! Dubious self-esteems destroyed us.
When you were gone away, I realised how life had become difficult without you. I know ‘life is a tale told by an idiot’, but you could have put some sense into it. Now both are living without life and ensnared in the respective compulsions–your family is again of prime importance and my aims making me a selfless human being.
Sometimes, I don’t need you–when my urge to live is at its lowest ebb. No one is important then! Dev left Paro impulsively without realising that life is yet to start. Twice he realised: once when he was nearing his spiritual death and second, when his ‘living corpse’ was to be buried. This is how impulsive decisions bring disasters. Isn’t it?
Now no one says: ‘Suno (Listen)! Zindagi kharaaj maangti hai! (Life levy taxes.)’ Afterwards, you went mum. You have not broken the silence since then and I am living in a crowded world without listening to any voices. Probably, waiting for you to speak. Please! Say something as I have already paid heavily even for the mistakes I have yet to commit.
You used to say that you were divided, but keeping my ‘part’ intact. This might have been gratifying to you, but what should I do, it is not enough for me.
You were mine, but never mine. You were here, but never for me. You have already left, always to be there, but for others. What do you expect? Cherish your words and silent kisses! No I cannot! I am too tired to stay tall in my stead and remain the same. Life is making me take other courses despite my resistance. Why should those suffer who love me? For how long should I be ignoring them? Probably they will be! I do not know what to do now. Please hold my hand and take me out of this quagmire. Again asking you for help!
Who told you to walk that passage?
A never-ending treacherous journey
Forgot to come back
And you lost the way!
By Your Reshoo---“There is always someone living for you only”

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