Say once again as you did before
Having same brightness in your eyes
With the same smile adoring your lips
And the same expression on your face
The person you love is just I
We met to become each other’s life and still we are. No matter where we are and what we do, none can separate us! I left, never asking you to wait, but you are doing. Now waiting for what when you had the ego stronger than the love we had. Little-by-little we understood and discovered each other. When we reached the last thread, we came to know that we have to start again.
You couldn’t find anyone to give you a wake-up call (for what I had your number). May be you are still in search of someone, who could offer her dupatta to wipe hands. May be, rather definitely, you could not find the extremes I gave, asking nothing in return because I couldn’t find a person, who could take my extremes and warmth rather bear my mad love.
I left you because I wanted you to decide your priorities yourself. I wanted to know where do I stand in your life. At least you would have asked me for once why I left like that. I just needed a re-assurance. I think you can imagine what I went through when I realised that I had no place in your life. I lost my way, my life and myself. It is very difficult to fight against your own self and I am doing it for many years now. I lost my peace of mind the moment I left you, and tranquillisers do not work even today. I am bearing the burden of ‘Life without you’ awaiting second nervous breakdown!
You are right that we are living without life and ensnared in our respective compulsions–my family is still of prime importance and you have your own dreams. I know I am still nowhere in your life, and I don’t have the right to ask why. It is not amazing that you, sometimes, don’t need me–‘when my urge to live is at its lowest ebb’ as you said; but there is not a single moment in my life when I didn’t feel your need. I don’t have even a shoulder to cry on and arm to recline. Now I have reached a stage where everything is important to me except my own self. Dev left Paro impulsively, Paro didn’t. Sweet heart! She knew that he would never go alone, but he did. The same is here! If you had held my hand, I had not gone. Aik awaz to dee hoti!
I said that I may be divided, but will keep your ‘Part’ intact. I have done that. No body knows even now, but just you. I am still yours. I use to write for you and I would have written books, but now I cannot write even a single verse. I am left with no inspiration.
I do not expect you to cherish my memories. Live your life! Your Julia Roberts is dead. May be it could ease me out of my guilt of leaving you with one step forward, two backward. Never think that you are suffering alone. I know why you look so steady and firm as if you have known no hurt! My love! I know you and I consider it a superb act–it is because I too know how to conceal the injury.
I cannot erase the past and cannot scrub you out of my heart. How can I stop breathing? I still have that dream in my eyes and it will stay forever. I know it will not ease my life rather the torture cut my heart to pieces. But then I awake in another world to see that perhaps somewhere there is a time, a place and a moment where we will live together again!
Your Julia Roberts