Thursday, January 20

She looks out!

I was losing her bit by bit, and she was moving away too slowly to realise the impending farewell to love.

We had had long drives along the canal, and sometimes on empty roads of the city. She always looked out constantly. Whenever, I asked her the reason for this, she had the usual rhetoric “Nothing! I just enjoy looking at the buildings, trees and empty places.” However, I never asked her to look ‘inside’; and she never did even after we got married. She still looks out of the window even if she is leading a life within the four walls of the house. Probably, she finds solutions to problems in looking out!
Let me reminisce! When we went out for the first time, I did notice her watching the world outside, but I did not say anything to her because I wanted to allow her to be comfortable. Then for the second or third time, it went on unabated. I digested it too. Just imagine! You are with a lady and you want her to talk and respond to you, but she simply ignores you despite the fact she is with you and supposed to be looking at you. Definitely, you are miserable.
I thought of a solution–nothing different to what usually occurs to men–I started caressing her. She moved a bit, then remain the same after ‘every act’. Life and driving went on like this….
She kept on looking out and I remained the driver. Not a big issue at all! I never started a discussion because it would have been a trivial issue to others though extremely important to me. I ignored it considering it a ‘usual childhood proclivity’. I remained attached to her and we got married. After marriage, except during the honeymoon days, I was thankful to God because she never criticised my driving and eyeing at other girls for she was never looking at me.
She started working sans my ‘acceptance’, as permission was never a subject between us. I agreed with her on “not wasting away” her English Literature master degree.
It was just after a few months, we had had serious discussions, which just fell short of quarrels. I could not figure out any reason to the bickering. During those troublesome days, once she mentioned about my objection to her looking out of the window of car. “Why did you do so when you knew I did not like it?” I blurted out. “That is my way of life!” she replied to inform me about the impending situations. After this, I was lost like a death. Pleasures and pains made no difference to me. I knew I was heading to a “black hole”. I was losing her bit by bit, and she was moving away too slowly to realise the impending farewell to love.
One day she came back home pretty unusually. Tired, but contented! Dragging her feet, though confident in her moves, she was that day. “Suno! (She never called me by my name) I want to talk to you.” She was saying this after so many days. I immediately thought that probably she wanted to say sorry for the previous days’ bickerings. I was alive again without imparting an impression of it. I remained reclining on the sofa. “Go ahead,” I said without looking at her. “No! I want your full attention. I want you to look into my eyes and then listen,” she retorted though pretty softly that day. “Aamer! I want you to listen to me.” I knew she meant business; so I got my eyes fixed on her face. She was satisfied with this.
It took her quite a long before she could say anything. “I think we cannot live together any longer.” She spelt out a million time-practised sentence. Now I did not have the courage to say anything. Why this hell fallen over me? I did not deserve this. God! Take my breaths away! I prayed, but to no avail. “Is that the final?” I had only this to say after mustering up a lot of courage. She just nodded in yes instead of uttering even a single word. Neither I stopped her nor she stayed.
Later, I came to know about her boss. They got married after a few months. Then I came know about her “way of life”. She found out a solution (read solace) in the outside world. Better look outside when it is stuffy inside.

12 comments:

Shirazi said...

Nice, ya.

sweetspirit said...

Love comes ,love goes, i hope you have healed from this now.

Anonymous said...

hmmm...c'est tres miserable.but it surely does touch ones heart...i felt as you wrote my life history..
why does all of em look out side..
i m still confused..

Anonymous said...

reminiscing 4 in 1

_bgw said...

i came across this blog, i don't know you, and i'm not judging you. but from the story, i don't know why you're so sad and dramatic, or why anyone's supposed to feel sorry for you. i say this because you say you were "thankful to God because she never criticised my driving and eyeing at other girls for she was never looking at me." and then you go on to say, in your second to last paragraph of pathetic drama, "Why this hell fallen over me? I did not deserve this. God! Take my breaths away!" listen, if you're married, then you're married. when you were 'eyeing' other girls, she wasn't watching (as you stated it), but God was. that is the point of marriage, monogamy. monogamy in all your god-given senses.

Tayyab Saleem said...

I was falling for her bit by bit, and she was moving away too slowly to realise the impending farewell to love.
and suddenly one day i recieved a call..hello..!! remember me? i said " how can i forget u..!!!" after a pause she said Tayyab i am engaged..and i was like wHaatttttt...and i felt like my heart sinking in the shallows of acute darkness.. where i can only feel the pain coming out of my heart ..and i was like...congrats..and she smiled and said that i was helpless and my parents arranged this and i was like thats nice and couldnt u do any thing bt US..
she said Tayyab u know wad ..now this arrange thingy is not much arranged i like Him.. he is very nice, sweet, handsome, rich ..........
and i kept on listening and listening as i knew this is the last time i am hearing the voice which used to fill me up with energies and bring endless smiles on my face and now ...i can understand ur pain Amer Bhai.. as i myslef have become the victim of such a pain...and u know what.. i dont have a shoulder to cry on .. i dont have any one to share with..i have been cherishing her since i was a young boy ..i have loved her ...and always dreamed of her ...neva touched a girl ..cuz i want her to have her rights.. always sacrificed me and my everything for her..and i have given away a splendind career ..for her ..and only hers....
i have been trying to cry..trying to share..but ....but.... kia karoon main..what shall i do..this is the day second of the pain and i dont know how long this pain will continue..
ur feelings are pure..i feel like these feeling are coming out of my heart...
i have a question...i feeel like a tissue paper...she delicately takes me out..rubs in her pink hands..and throw aways so smoothly that u know u r going to trach can.. but u still in that dreamm...why this happens to us.. YYYY???
i dont know y m i sharing my personal feelings with u ..
i m sorry for my self..haha
what else..
there is an end to everything..
is this my end..
Tabii....(she used to call me tabii..who will call me Tabii..now she's gone..)

Anonymous said...

It might have been a situation where you are left with nothing in your hands. You see your hands, which were held many a time by her and you see your lips times again which were kissed delicately by her so many times. Even if you sneeze, her peculiar fragrance takes you back to those days when you both were together.
Tabbii... if I can that liberty of writing your name like this... life is like this. If you are Muslim, then you take refuge under the umbrella of "Destiny". You can believe in the rhetoric: "It was supposed to happen as it falls beyond your control." Practise this pretext and lead an empty life.
I have my sympathies with you because you cannot have anything else.
Remember! The more you love other people, the more you will miss her. So keep on loving everyone who-so-ever comes your way. You will become a flirt by doing this, but you will be floating in the air all the time and getting nothing in the end. Why I am suggesting this is after my own experience because so far none has filled "My Fairlady" place. Every girl is like her and none other than her can consummate my feelings of love.
"Whither you have been during all these years?" will be your question when you will see her again. You will be ready to accept even with a few kids and sagging body, but she will be expecting you be innocent and chaste; always looking for her, pouncing upon every opportunity to talk to her and even her typical "glance" will intoxicate you for many days to come. She will come back, but not to fill your heart with love rather to "complete" herself.
This is life! Make it interesting for you! How! The choice is yours

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group said...

Profession

HELLO Aamer Waqas Ghaus Chaudhary

I was going to leave a little tip on New Years Resolutions and how to make the best of them.

Unfortunately, I would not be able to keep it brief.

Goal setting takes effort and you really have to know how to do it to do it well. Especially the follow-up.

That's why I've included a lot of FREE goal setting information on my website, to help folks like you be more successful.

In fact, you can start now, and get a head start on the new year - and the rest of your life.

Think goal setting isn't important?

Spend a little time at Developing Goals and you'll change your mind.

Have a GREAT day!

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