An outcome of suspicion

Shakeel Kamran curses the day when he killed his wife and two sons. Imprisoned for life and hated by his fellow prisoners, he has no hope for life even after his release

Shakeel Kamran was a happy man and leading a blissful married life as long as he did not know about extra-marital love of his wife with one of her cousins whom she used to pronounce as her brother. Shakeel, now languishing in a jail, does talk about his previous life, but with lengthy periods. He cries like a child making the ambience sombre. Sometimes, he picks up courage when you do not want to know more about a particular aspect, and on other occasions, you make him to say something. He, on request of not mentioning his real name, talks about events, which led him to kill his two sons and wife.
"We were a happy family of four – me, my wife and our two sons. Ours was a totally arranged marriage. I never suspected her of prior-to-marriage love escapades, but there were quite a few. However, to remain an obedient son of my parents, I accepted her as my wife by dumping her past. I forgot her previous life and started anew, but she kept on sneaking even after marriage. That I could not digest. Our quarrels never transcended the boundary of the house.
"The birth of my sons deterred me from suspecting her. However, one of my close friends did mention about her dubious character. I started mistrusting her again and my shop (a general provision store) got adversely affected because of my continuous absence as I stayed home for quite long hours to keep an eye on her. Ultimately, my pocket kept on shrinking to such an extent where I had to beg money from my kith and kin.
"Because of my continuous brainstorming about my wife’s character, I started nursing the idea of my sons born out of the wedlock. The fact that their features were at variance with mine strengthened this notion. It was the dead end of my life. I sold my shop and became penniless afterwards. It was virtually like the last nail in the coffin.
"I couldn’t bear the burden of this reality (probably to him only). I became erratic in my behaviour, and my wife started demanding divorce. This made my suspicion of my wife’s dubious ways and the reality of fatherhood of two kids more tangible. No one could ever imagine the sort of burden I had on my mind and heart.
"First I decided to finish only my life, but I wanted to punish my wife as well. It took me over a month to decide what I did last year. I distanced myself from kids. I knew they were innocent, but they were not mine. I had been raising another man’s ‘blood’ for the last six years. I gave them love and care till ‘they were my kids (in my mind). I entertained no doubts about the real fatherhood of those kids. I believe that my doubt was ‘reality’.
One day, I chalked out a plan. I decided to act upon it as soon as possible before my mind could give way. I bought poison from a local shop and mixed it sneakingly in the food my wife cooked. Definitely, it could have taken their lives, but to make their deaths certain, I sharpened blunt kitchen knife while they all were in deep slumber. The rest was an act of a ruthless killer – slitting their necks in a few minutes. I believe that I had the cruel instinct, which prepared me for the last thing one could ever imagine.
"Now I am in this jail. A few of my fellow prisoners sympathise with me, but quite a large number of them hate me as well for I killed two innocent children who had nothing to do with the vagaries of my wife. Sometimes I want to take my life as well, but it definitely takes more courage than killing others."